Hey y’all, so after many years of just trying to deal, I’m trying to raise money for transition-related costs in my life in hopes that I will be a lot less miserable in my body. I know that most of you have probably heard me be critical of people who ask for money for transitioning expenses on the internet, and in many ways this remains a contradiction that I have a hard time logically overcoming in my head because of my problems with how these things normally unfold, so let me just be clear about what makes me uncomfortable about this: I hate having to make myself into a sexy and/or pathetic enough trans woman to elicit sympathy from people, I hate that every thing I’ve ever said and every desire I’ve ever had and every physical feature of mine will likely be analyzed to deem me worthy of support, I hate that if I was a middle-class and/or white trans man I would make more money, and I really hate that people might be more willing to give me money than really important projects of trans women’s collective resistance (seriously if you only have a little bit of money please give it to Gender Anarky or Niara or any number of people who are living my worst nightmare ad surviving as gender-variant people in men’s prisons). I think that these are all valid reasons for hating the culture of transition-fundraising, and I think that these things also remain critiques shared by most trans/gender-variant people I love and respect.
So why am I trying to do this then? In short, I’ve been in a pretty bad dysphoric/anxious headspace for the last many months and I’m starting to realize how important dealing with these things is for my personal sanity. I’d like to really not have to have a panic attack every time I can’t get a close enough shave and get a good night’s sleep rather than get up to pee every hour at night because of these terrible testosterone blockers. I’ve been doing this whole trans thing for many years and despite my desires to access things that would make my body feel better, I’ve instead put all of my time and energy and money into paying my rent and starting/continuing what I would consider vitally important political projects. And I don’t regret this for a second, but it’s catching up to me now and my gender dysphoria is a lost worse than ever before to the point where I can barely deal (I’m only remotely dealing because I finally have access to free hormones). So for my own well-being, I am choosing against my better judgment to do something for myself and start raising money for permanently removing my facial hair and getting an orchiectomy. In total that’s probably around $5500-6000, which seems like insurmountably large amount of money for me, but maybe actually isn’t that much for ‘normal’ people. In any case it would make my life like a million times better. Anyway, I know that I’m rambling, but if you feel like you wanna help me out, reblog this and/or donate below. If you donate I’ll give you a million tarot card readings and/or draw you a really pretty picture of your favorite animal and/or do pretty much anything that you want. Sorry to bother people and thanks in advance.
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[Disclaimer: if you have a little extra money, maybe just give it to Gender Anarky or Niara instead of me. For more info: genderanarky.wordpress.com and freeniara.wordpress.com]
reblog/donate one last time!